The “Real Single Moms” are getting pushed to the side because of the selfish, self inflicting, manipulating women who only seek to destroy what no longer wants them!

Published June 11, 2016 by Emilly

I don’t understand how someone can be so heartless, I can’t understand why a woman would be so cold, I mean….I do undersand, but my kids would be crushed! It’s like you’re laying bread crumbs down to find your way home and some bird just comes and picks them up, disappears for a while and then comes with vengence to grab the bag of crumbs out of your hand! You have put all this work into being there and being what you should be and she just takes it!! Rips it from you and then tells them you do not want them!!! What’s it going to take for her to see she is destroying the babies, she is mind screwing them and we can’t do anything about it!!

I’ve known my husband for around 15 years, we rode the same bus and sat together at lunch. I always described him as a “good boy.” Someone that was nice to talk to, he was kind, polite, level headed and he had this thing about him that just made you feel at ease when you were around him.

Fast forward a while and 4 years of marriage later. He is the same guy! But, as it happens, things change a litte, lessons learned change how you react to things. What attracted me to him years later, how he fathered his children.

Yea, I had seen pictures of him and his kids, saw that he was divorced and know that there are two sides to every divorce (in most cases, three sides). Like to add a note here, regardless of what the stories of how my husband and I start dating, he was DIVORCED from whats her face since the August before we started dating the next year. I was no longer in a marriage and we didn’t have any thing going on before he and whats her face divorced, don’t know which story to hit on because there are so many I have heard. haha!

I didn’t meet my three step babies for a long time, it seemed like he never “wanted” them to meet me. I would try to invite myself over when he had his babies, talk him into letting me go over to his house or something. The answer for almost six months was always no. At the time, yes I was upset, my mind wondered if he had another woman over there, if his ex wife was with him, etc….. and then it happened. I met Lucas first, the other two where in school and David wanted me to eat lunch with him, his surprise was me meeting Lucas. I wanted to question why today, why now, up in the Chick-fil-a with all these noisy kids running around?

Noisy kids, screaming at the top of their lungs, rush hour lunch in Pooler and greasy food, I was not comfortable meeting his children in this setting, but I smiled. Then I stopped thinking about my comfort and watched David and Lucas, they were as nervous as I was and David said Lucas picked Chick-fil-a when he told him they had someone special to meet! I totally missed the “someone special” part at the moment but saw this……

DAVID KNEW THAT HIS CHILDREN MEETING A NEW WOMAN IN HIS LIFE WOULD BE WEIRD, DAVID KNEW THEY MAY HAVE HAD MIXED EMOTIONS!! DAVID PUT LUCAS’ FEELINGs OVER HIS AND MINE WHEN HE ASKED ABOUT WHERE HE WANTED LUNCH!!!

To some, it may seem stupid, to me……it made me sit there and once I got what was going on (we all know it takes me a minute sometimes) I fell in love with David. Sitting in a noisy, children screaming, tightly squeezed setting, I fell in love with a man that I would end up marrying and having another child with. I met Jacob and Abbie and like Lucas, had an immediate connection. They thought I was hilarious and that it was cool that I didn’t “know” them but liked all the same food they liked! =)

David has never faltered in his father role. Yes, there have been struggles, testing times, hugs, smiles, tears and those parenting moments we hate. But, he does it as best he can. Jacob, Abbie and Lucas are thought of every day just like the three girls that live with us full time. They are just as spoiled with toys, clothes, games, tvs and everything else little kids worry about having.

So what David is robbed of isn’t material, it isn’t the ability to make sure that they have all the updated electronics, best clothes money can buy, the “right” to say that he has never missed a single ball game……..

He is being robbed of what his children want/need the most, HIS TIME!

He has been pushed out of every aspect of his children’s lives. Every new fella that has come along, has not only met her children within a week, they have been able to be alone with the children, take them to things, alone, stay the night and been told “we are gonna get married.” by whats her face. Every poor guy that has gotten wrapped up in the crazy (most learned after a while) has been placed in the “daddy” role that she has made so vacant when their daddy is literally begging to be a part of their lives. It has only worsened over time, David is dead to her and like the other lies she has made herself believe, it makes her uncomfortable to know that it isn’t the truth and when faced with the truth, she hides behind more excuses and lies.

Now, we all know that whats her face “can’t” control what he does or doesn’t do….yada yada, but she can make every second he is around or with his kids completely miserable….which she does with great pleasure.

The “image” of being a hard working, never stopping, all about the children, “REAL SINGLE MOM” is being butchered by this person and others like her. They put them selves out there as the victim……it’s all someone else’s fault that I am in this situation….blah blah blah! Funny thing is, you look past facebook, what “she says,” the gossip that has been originated by her or the facts period……more than not, you will find the “deadbeat dad” they refer to…….doing everything he can to see his children, be with his children, fight for his children etc.

Moral: THESE WOMEN ARE THE BIRDS, THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE FACT THAT THESE WOMEN HAVE FULLY FUNCTIONAL BRAINS, FEELINGS, THE DESIRE TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS OTHER HUMANS HAVE………..BUT YET THE BIRD TAKES THE BREAD CRUMBS STRAIGHT TO HER BABIES, WHILE THE WOMEN TAKE THE CRUMBS FOR THEMSELVES AND USE TO DESTROY AND MANIPULATE OTHERS.

 

 

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When we can’t agree to disagree, we allow the people in this world to have a power over us; there is no power that is stronger than the bond of people loving people for WHO they are, and not what “SIN” they commit.

Published June 28, 2015 by Emilly

Before you choose to read this, stop and think about what you did this morning, yesterday, the day before that, not only that; think about where your thoughts took you when you saw something on TV, heard something on the news, saw a kid running around and smiling, being a kid.

*Also, remember that this is just an opinion of myself with scripture, yes from the bible and no I do not know it well, so I have it here with me. I am not doing this to cut down anyone, I just feel the need. Maybe someone needs to hear it.

There is a lot of emotion all tied into one sentence. To break it down, I sinned this morning, yesterday, the day before that and I can assure you my thoughts have went into a thousand directions in the last few weeks. And this morning when I couldn’t find something, lol. We as a nation and world have watched things happen that we can not control. We have watched where “one man” destroyed the lives of 9 families…..and yet the power of God has been shown. I don’t know if I could forgive, I don’t know if I could promise that I haven’t thought that guy deserved death, but those families did forgive. They overcame the thoughts of others and forgave him. God bless them.

We have watched people take offence to things, things that have no soul; like a statue, flag, etc.; that no one made a big deal about until 1 or 2 events took place and then the media has added fuel to a fire. “There are two wolves inside each person; the good and the evil, the wolf that will prevail is the one who is fed.” A phrase that I have said before, and say again. I wouldn’t usually do any of this, but I have felt the need for a few weeks now and last week has kind of sent me over….and my kids have begun to ask “why” more often.

There are labels for all of us as people, as a Christian, we are immediately looked at as “Mightier than tho,” “Bible thumping,” and “Judgmental.” That is to just name a few. But, in reality; all people are JUDGEMENTAL!!! The only reason that it is more a thing now is because of social media! I claim to not judge, which I do try very hard not to judge people, but I am human, we are all human! Just because we are Christians doesn’t make us any better than another person, regardless of sexual preference, race, or religion; we ALL BLEED RED!! We ALL have been offered Salvation. We were all created in God’s image; just because we are saved does not mean that we can walk with our noses in the air pointing people with hot pokers who choose not to obey the commands. The bible says “Love the sinner, hate the sin.”

The goal of this once mighty country has been shattered; other countries no longer envy us, they are laughing. This blog isn’t to constantly vent or complain, but rather to help a little bit. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH SOMEONE, DO NOT USE WHAT YOU KNOW TO BELITTLE SOMEONE ELSE AND THEIR BELIEFS. **AGREE TO DISAGREE** Do I think that a court can dictate a marriage, no because I am a Christian and the word of God clearly states that marriage was created for a man and a woman, along with the roles of each. **Which, to clear this up before some one states that I am being judgmental; I had sex before marriage, I have a daughter who I gave birth to while not married, I am a sinner today; Am I forgiven of it, yes I am. I have to ask for forgiveness everyday, along with everyone else.** Do I hate people who think this is the best thing that legally a man can now marry a man or a woman can now marry a woman, No I do not. If you want to marry someone of the same sex, ok, will I mention the Word of God and his dislike for it? I may, will I turn from you when you decline to hear it or stop a relationship (friend or family) because I told you what I believe? No. Do I hate you because you have a hatred for the race that I just happen to be, because history tells us that there were slaves; nope.

We need to take a stand, not be so cold to things and just do what we are called to do. We are called to spread the Word, not condemn those who “choose” not to hear it. It’s not putting our noses where they don’t belong, when it is done correctly. We don’t need to beat the Word into someone, if they choose to not listen, that is on them. You don’t lose your Salvation because someone “chose” not to listen to you.

People often forget that we weren’t born saved, we are not born “good.” Our hearts are wicked by nature, it is a choice to do good and not evil. It is a choice to not wish death upon those who have hurt you or someone you love. We have a choice, FREEWILL!! We choose to stand with the Word of God. I choose Heaven over Hell. I choose to teach my kids about The Lord.

***If you don’t like what someone has to say, smile and say it politely. I am not better than any one else, I believe that ONE MAN was sent to this earth to die on a cross to save the world from death. Not a people of a certain color, sexual preference, age, religion or anything else. He died for us all!! I stand for the WORD of GOD, not the acceptance of man.

“Mama, why did that girl get crushed?!” the things our babies see, hear, think and then ask…and will not let it go.

Published June 9, 2015 by Emilly

Mama, that girl got crushed, why did she get crushed? Who crushed that girl? Why is she singing that song? -Bailey (The 4 year old sour patch kid)

All of the kids ask crazy questions, they all ask questions to things that I struggle to answer. This question by my little curly headed, innocent, crazy little girl stopped me in my tracks. “Girl Crush” has become one of our favorite songs around here lately, all 8 of us sing it, it gets Delaney to sleep and the older babies always like to join in. When Bailey first asked it, David and I both looked at each other and laughed, “it’s just a song Bailey.” But she kept asking. On the way to school this morning as it was playing, she asked again. The difference this time, she wouldn’t take the same answer. “Mama, she sounds sad, I know she is sad. Why is she sad?”

So how do we as parents explain the pain, negative and sometimes down right miserable times in life?! I have no clue. I don’t like to remind myself or tell the kids how bad things in this world actually are. As a woman, I don’t want to tell my kids, especially the four little girls we are raising that there will be times in your life where you will be surrounded by people but feel like you are along. I can’t bring myself to tell them, “one day, my sweet babies, someone is going to shatter your heart.” I thought that I was going to have to explain it, right then and there, at a red light. The tears were on the verve of flowing…and then this happened.

Now, explaining to a 4 year old about something is hard enough, adding the fact that they are just as stubborn as you are….yea…let’s just say I was exhausted. I just started talking. “Bailey, the girl isn’t happy where she is in life, she wants a life she can’t have. Sometimes we make choices and those choices have consequences.” She looked at me in my rearview mirror like I was crazy for a brief moment, and all she replied with was “Oh, so you mean like when we don’t get to watch tv because we chose to be bad?!” In that very moment, I learned that regardless of how much I complain none of them listen to me, they do and I get a couple more years (I hope) to think of how I will handle heartbreaks for them all.

When the babies wonder where the other babies are…….

Published May 31, 2015 by Emilly

The kids have been together every time they are here, they know the schedules, sometimes better than we do. So what do you tell them when they ask constantly where their brothers and sister are?! I have run out of answers, “they just aren’t this weekend” is starting to not be good enough for them or myself.

I have questioned over and over, “should I tell them the truth?” I know the answer to that question, and I don’t know if I have it in me to tell them what is going on. The three girls don’t need to know it, yet they don’t understand why things “change.” They ask everyday, “Is Jacob, Abbie and Lucas at home?” At first, a few years ago, it was a lot easier just giving a simple answer as to it isn’t our time to have them. Now that they are older, see more, hear more……it has become rather difficult.

It is clearly said in the Bible, we are to forgive. My hardest battle, forgiveness……I have done it. I know the peace that comes with it. I then find myself, in the situations that are occurring at this time questioning so many things. There are a lot of things I can forgive for, but these babies (all 6 of them) are hurting. My husband hurts, we hurt, but the worst part is…the kids hurt.

I’d like to think that people involved in divorces can just suck it up and have some sort of respect for each other, but we are reminded everyday, that is not the case. I know that there are different situations of divorce, I know there are many reasons and that NOT everyone can just forgive and move on. I understand that the feelings initially are hatred, resentment, and the last thing you want to do is forgive that person that promised to love you forever. Believe me, I know. But, having children involved is so much more important, more important to make sure that each of them know how much you love them, know that it has NOTHING at all to do with them.

Our kids, are truly what makes us push through the chaos. When I say chaos, depending on which part of our lives we are describing at the moment, is mostly the enjoyment of having fun with our kids. We love them all! It is never dull, quiet, boring or calm. We have created our own family, not by blood, but by relationships. We don’t do many vacations (I think one, maybe) mostly due to finances, but also when the kids are asked what they want to do, they answer with wanting to spend time at the house with us. We play, laugh, sing (all brushes in this house turn into microphones) have story time, pray, and just enjoy!

But, when we only have half, it’s different. Whether it is during the week or on a weekend we are “supposed” to have them all, it’s different. The girls of course have a blast just being kids, but it’s in the moments when David and I are in another room, we hear Makenna and Bailey pretend Abbie is in their room, and they tell the boys to get outta the girl’s room. All in imaginary play of course, but then there is Delaney….she has learned so many things in the last few weeks, including how to say all of the older kid’s names. She calls them out when she is running around the house.

I can’t communicate with my babies that don’t live with us (it is not “allowed”) unless they are with David, David has limited communication due to a very hard person to deal with. Which when asked, he is harassing her. I miss my kids, I am tired of watching David try to be a good daddy and be robbed of it. I am more tired of watching those babies fight a war they can not win, nor a war they should be a part of to begin with. Again, it is hard to watch our kids(all of them) suffer.

At this point, 3 years later….I have come to terms that “our babies hurting” will just have to become a normal part of life. Pity is what created it all, pity becomes an addiction, and her “pity me, victim” image is what will continue. We are tired, but, we know there is hope.

To the StepMom that is hated……..YOU are NOT ALONE!!!

Published May 28, 2015 by Emilly

I got this, I got this! I will get along with their mama, I know how she feels! I got this! -Myself

This was not the blog I originally started last night and planned on finishing today, but due to the recent circumstances…I will do this one.

Being a parent is hard, hard work!! Being a parent is a joy that not all people get to experience, but I am so very glad that I am able to be a mother of 3 and a (step) mother of 3. I am no less a parent than anyone else because there is no blood connected, I am no more of a mother than my step children’s mother. I do not wish to replace her, nor have I, OR EVER WILL try to replace that. That is not what as step parent is for. I love my kids *all 6 of them* with all of my heart! When they laugh, I laugh, when they cry, I cry, when they get in trouble, it breaks my heart too. When you see them being hurt, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or ANYTHING period that is hurting their little hearts, you break too. When it can be controlled you do have some peace, but when it can’t be controlled, you break even more.

  • Disney has that crap all wrong about the “step” mother role, we are NOT all evil, and we don’t want to rid ourselves of the children that came with the man.
  • We do not ONLY think of our blood children and neglect the others.
  • We are willing to get along with the other parent, whether or not they want it.
  • We ARE WOMEN AND MOTHERS TOO!!
  • WE ARE EX WIVES OF MEN WHO HAVE A NEW WOMAN IN THEIR LIVES TOO.

While every point I made is true (yes, it’s my opinion) and for myself it is what I believe. I do not expect nor want any pity. I CHOOSE to be in the position of my role. It is not an easy role, but it is what I choose. I do not blast nor judge those mamas who hate the “Stepmom” of her kids, because I know each situation is different. I know what it is like to be a little girl from divorce, detail is not needed, yet I knew from a young age, it was not what I should have dealt with. I did not intend on ever getting a divorce, but I can assure those that are going through it and feel like there is nothing left, there is. I know divorce is wrong, it is a sin, it is preached against, God does not approve, and believe me, forgiveness has poured out over and over like he promised! Yet, we forget we are all human. Human…..free will….choices are made and there are consequences. I have been fortunate enough to have a fantastic relationship with my ex-husband and his wife, we all were actually on the phone earlier, dying laughing at the girls.

I know what it is like to have a new woman in your ex-husband’s (or father of your children’s) life. I know what it is like (even being over the whole divorce, or whatever situation it is) to know that someone else has their attention, but in most situations, it is the concern for your children that bothers you. It is someone new that will be above your children and someone that their needs will be met before your children’s needs. The “normal” immediate reaction is normally anger, the whole “she isn’t going to be around my kids” response. Yes, I did that….regret it now. I couldn’t be happier for the step mama that my girls have, she is wonderful! There is no brown nosing about it, she just is.

Here is where it gets a little touchy……let it be known again…..all step mothers are not evil….Other situations, are not so great.

Here is where you are not alone, “Ex-husband’s new wife, the downgrade, the “tried” replacement, the “bigger” one.” I have been called them all, and to be honest, as step mothers, we have all been called everything under the sun. AGAIN, I AM NOT saying anything against MOTHERS PROTECTING THEIR CHILDREN FROM PEOPLE WHO THEY NEED TO BE PROTECTED FROM!!! I am saying that I know how it feels to be hated, I know the feeling of looking at children who you think of as your own and you would do anything in the world for and feel like there is not enough to convince them that you love them!!

I know what it is like to have your babies “literally” grabbed and pulled away to avoid talking to you!! I know! I know!! It is a sad, sad, heart breaking feeling. All while you have only tried to love them and provide a steady environment!! I know that sometimes you sit and pray, wonder and think of everything in your power to make them see! I know you sit in a shower every night (if you are able to do that without little feet outside of it, I envy you, lol) and cry, and cry and cry. I know that your husband tries to remind you that everything is ok and one day they will see. I know it hurts much worse for him, of ALL people to try to comfort you. I know that as the “stepmom” you are also constantly reminded that you are not the “first” woman he has had in his life, you are the next. You are the one who he asked to marry AFTER the first one didn’t work. But, smile, it is YOU and only YOU who he chose to be another parent for his children. It is YOU he chose to help raise MEN and WOMEN. Regardless of what the parent (that is not in the home with you, don’t want to give it away =)) says, thinks or “makes up” about you, it is YOU he chose!!

God knows exactly where you are, he knows exactly where he wants you!! Be patient! I still struggle with the patience part, seeing kids hurt due to another parent’s ignorance, selfishness and hatred that was NEVER earned, kills me!! Literally makes me hurt. But, there is hope, there is prayer, and there are others of us out there.

  • Do not let the opinion of Disney, hatred filled people or anyone else define who or what you are. NO CHILD CAN BE LOVED BY TOO MANY PEOPLE!! You are NOT alone, in all honesty if this is you reading this, find someone to talk to, there are so many people out there wanting to share a story, wanting to know someone else is experiencing the same thing, or just need a shoulder. LISTEN to them and gain knowledge that you didn’t have before.

*I know this is really long, I didn’t say all I wanted to, but I think I did what I could this late…=)

My first one, take it easy on me…..let’s start from the beginning.

Published May 25, 2015 by Emilly

I had to take the tutorial for this…haha! It says that your first blog should say something about why you decided to blog. I am not sure why a “blog” has been chosen for me, but it was and that is what I shall do. Of course, it will be in regards to my husband, mostly my kids, some opinions here and there and mostly about my kids. I guess “writing your feelings down” as my mama would have me do when I was younger eventually turned into some sort of enjoyment. Didn’t start out that way, it was “therapy” for the child whose parents divorced, the broken one, blah!! Which leads me to the MAIN reason I am blogging, I hope this helps me and hopefully some others in similar situations.

I am not a friend to you, I am a parent! If I have made you mad because I took away your toy, you got in trouble, or you are not watching tv, then I have done my job! -My mama

I hated those words, I couldn’t wait until I was a parent (which that want changed a lot through the years) I was never going to tell my kids that, I was never going to take their toys, tv or anything else away. I wanted my kids to love me! <insert gasp now> I was WRONG, so very WRONG!!! The view of the parent I “would” be has changed over and over again. I have used the very same words time and times again with my kids. Let me also state that I am referring to each of the 6 children I am a parent to. Being a parent is hard, trying, emotional, devastating and stressful….BUT, it is REWARDING, UPLIFTING, HUMOROUS, FUN AND BEAUTIFUL all at the same time. Again, the “ideal parent I had imagined myself changed over and over.”

“I will never get a divorce and put my kids through what I went through! When I get married, it is for life, rich or poor, sickness and health! People are crazy who do that to their kids!! Selfish is what that is!! I will not allow my kids to hate me for leaving their daddy or kicking him out! -me

Man…I was dumb….and until next time.

Hello world!

Published May 21, 2015 by Emilly

This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.

Happy blogging!